Don’t tinker, Taylor!
Taylor Swift is a veritable modern-day Diana.
Her global dominion and unparalleled reach extend to the hearts and heads of fans and haters alike. Her charm is only exceeded by her ubiquity.
She can have anything she wants: a fleet of carbon-belching private planes, a prime-time reservation at Via Carota, the hot guy from the Pfizer ads. Anything.
Indeed, this week we learned that as well as co-opting the NFL, causing mini-earthquakes and saving local economies from ruin, the crimson-lipped song siren could flex the ultimate muscle and screw with the November 5 election.
A new poll found that 18 percent of voters would be ‘more likely’ or ‘significantly more likely’ to back a Swift-endorsed candidate.
What? Who are these empty-headed barbarians dumb enough to vote for a potential president because they liked the lyrics to Anti Hero?
You couldn’t afford tickets to the Eras tour, but think Taylor will invite you to Girls Night with Brittany Mahomes if you rock up to the polls?
Taylor Swift is the most powerful person who’s ever lived, ever. Her global dominion and unparalleled reach extend to the hearts and heads of fans and haters alike. Her charm is only exceeded by her ubiquity.
Indeed, this week we learned that the crimson-lipped song siren could flex the ultimate muscle and screw with the November 5 election. A new poll found that 18 percent of voters would be ‘more likely’ or ‘significantly more likely’ to back a Swift-endorsed candidate. What?!
Now, look, I love TayTay unashamedly. I vigorously defend her against naysayers who insist she’s a sexless girl geek whose uber-jock BF is a hirsute stunt.
Hats off to her unadulterated capitalism, her unstoppable self-brand weaponization, her billion-dollar ability to pen tune after tune beloved by love-sick teens everywhere.
If she wants to sloppy snog Travis under the Baltimore floodlights for all the world’s press, then go for it gurl!
But while cheering on from the celeb-suite in a bid to boost your beau’s new clothing-line bottom line is one thing – tailoring at the seams of American democracy is another.
And it’s not like we don’t know the color of her political flag.
Remember the uproar after she tore up Michael Jordan’s ‘Republicans buy sneakers, too!’ axiom and went all in attacking Donald Trump on Twitter in 2020?
‘After stoking the fires of white supremacy and racism your entire presidency… we will vote you out in November,’ she scrawled.
No wonder we caught wafts of a collective Bidengasm this week at the thought of a coveted Swift nod. Calm down, Joe!
Though before the old relic trips over himself in excitement, it’s worth knowing this same poll also found that 17 percent of voters would be ‘less likely’ to back a Taylor-made candidate. (I’m guessing they’re thwarted fans from Miami, Buffalo and Baltimore – all teams who lost to Kelce’s Chiefs in the playoffs).
Ironically, Taylor’s money-hungry success, coupled with her All-American romance, is a very Republican fantasy.
The Bedazzled Billionairess merging with a red-state beef slab and cavorting in monogamous bliss! It’s the stuff of Nancy Reagan’s most lurid diary entry.
Remember the uproar after she tore up Michael Jordan’s ‘Republicans buy sneakers, too!’ axiom and went all in attacking Donald Trump on Twitter in 2020? No wonder we caught wafts of a collective Bidengasm this week at the thought of a coveted Swift nod. Calm down, Joe!
Is it a faux-mance? Who cares. Her teary-eyed enthusiasm seems genuine, his dollar-eyed crush feels deep, and her taste in men was probably frozen in adolescent amber the day she became famous.
She probably had a thing for the hot quarterback at high school who paid her no mind on the road to the state championship, and she pined for him to the point his sister had to step in and pointedly ask her to stop obsessing. No wait, that’s me. I’m the problem.
Back to Taylor: my point is – the thought of music’s High Priestess swaying the election is too much to bear.
Sure, stars have long used their Prada platforms to postulate about pseudo-political good causes.
But such is Taylor’s unique, TikTok-fueled pull power, the chance of her crashing our country into a Biden-Harris rubble heap just because she can feels like one chorus too far.
The only thing worse than zombies blindly voting on the whims of their favorite Instagrammer is a fabulist pop star whose over-inflated sense of self-importance outweighs the good of the nation.
Be warned: This could all lead to some very Bad Blood.