Not all that long ago, you could count on professionals to take themselves seriously, and to behave like grown-ups.
Businessmen and bankers wore pinstripe suits and ties and carried umbrellas, just to be on the safe side. They looked like Captain Mainwaring and had an air of knowledge and discretion. They would be courteous rather than chummy, authoritative rather than exciting.
Most MPs looked like Chamberlain or Gladstone. They carried black briefcases and looked suitably grave. In every Parliament, there would be one or two who cracked jokes and could be relied upon to say something suitably controversial when phoned by the Press on a dull Sunday. They were known as ‘Rent-a-Quote’, and were never rewarded with high office.
Vicars and Bishops would be sober and dignified. They might smile and say something light-hearted as their parishioners shuffled out at the end, but never during the service itelf.
Joking was left to professional comedians and humorists such as Max Miller or P.G. Wodehouse, who knew how to do it. Everyone else did their best to be serious.
Blackstone’s comical Christmas video, which they sent out to all their employees and investors, involves senior figures at Blackstone playing the giddy goat
Blackstone’s gruesomely unamusing six-minute video was clearly shot by a professional team of directors and cameramen over a number of days
It featured at least 50 employees, including billionaire chairman Stephen Schwarzman, goofing woodenly around in fancy dress
Alas, those days are long gone. Nowadays, everyone is cracking jokes and performing funny routines. Except, that is, for the professional comedians, who look witheringly at their audiences while delivering heavyweight sermons on gender, health and war.
Where will it all end? I have just been watching a Christmas video issued by the investment firm Blackstone, whose total global assets are estimated at $1 trillion.
Blackstone is one of those businesses, straight out of a John Grisham novel, that seem to control the world.
It either owns, or is the majority shareholder in, among much else, Warner Leisure, Haven and Legoland, along with any number of casinos, property companies, IT groups, energy firms, hotels, real estate trusts and healthcare providers. Who knows? Perhaps it even owns me. I’ll look into it and get back to you.
You would have thought that the above list would be enough to keep them busy.
But no! Their comical Christmas video, which they sent out to all their employees and investors, involves senior figures at Blackstone playing the giddy goat. I imagine it was intended to show how casual and fun-loving they all are at Blackstone. But who wants a ‘private wealth solutions’ adviser to be fun-loving?
Some adjectives and professions should never be coupled: an experimental dentist, an earnest comedian, a laid-back sergeant major, a madcap plumber, a happy-go-lucky undertaker, an entertaining pilot.
The Blackstone video stars their president and chief operating officer, Jon Gray, playing a goofball version of himself in a white cowboy hat and novelty jacket. The joke is that he has just returned from a Taylor Swift concert and, as one of his board members says: ‘Ever since he went to that concert, he’s acting like he discovered Taylor Swift.’
Blackstone has reminded us just as comedians are hopeless at finance, so financiers are hopeless at comedy
Gray plans to take the company on a world tour, just like Taylor Swift. Despite theatrical groans from some of his experts, he is then given the go-ahead — ‘I love it!’ — by Blackstone chairman Stephen Schwarzman (net worth: $32 billion). He appears in a shimmery rainbow jacket of the type worn by Taylor Swift on her most recent tour.
This gruesomely unamusing six-minute video was clearly shot by a professional team of directors and cameramen over a number of days, and features at least 50 employees and board members goofing woodenly around in fancy dress.
To adapt the words of Evelyn Waugh, ‘to watch Blackstone fumbling with our rich and delicate tradition of comedy is to experience all the horror of seeing a Sevres vase in the hands of a chimpanzee.’
It all ends with an excruciating song. I can only bring myself to quote a few lines:
‘Great returns for institutions
And Private Wealth Solutions!
Stay calm, stay positive, never give up (Never give up! We don’t give up!)
Helping build wealth and security
A name you can trust
Blaaaaaaaackstone!’
This corporate video has met with such a poor reception that the comments section beneath it has had to be switched off.
If it has any value, it’s to remind us that just as comedians are hopeless at finance, so financiers are hopeless at comedy. And that’s as it should be.
So let me take this opportunity to offer all at Blackstone my best wishes for a weighty Christmas and a very serious New Year.