The BBC is coming under pressure to play a spoof song criticising Keir Starmer for stripping pensioners of their winter fuel allowances.
Freezing This Christmas, by Sir Starmer and the Granny Harmers, is a parody of Mud’s Lonely This Christmas and is topping online download charts.
Yet the musicians behind the single say the Beeb is flatly refusing to play it, even though it’s a bit of fun designed to raise money for the charity Age UK.
This column, too, has a track record of spoofing old songs. So here’s another late, Starmer-inspired bid for Christmas No1 that won’t get played on the BBC, either.
Freezing This Christmas, by Sir Starmer and the Granny Harmers, is a parody of Mud’s Lonely This Christmas and is topping online download charts
I think this just about covers the waterfront, but – to misquote Eric Morecambe – although I’ve got all the right freebies, they may not necessarily be in the right order. What can I say? It’s Christmas…
On the first day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
A new suit from Lord Alli.
On the second day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
A frock for the missus
And a new suit from Lord Alli.
On the third day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
Three pairs of glasses
Two pairs of trainers
A frock for the missus
And a new suit from Lord Alli.
On the fourth day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
Four Calvin Kleins
Three pairs of glasses
Two pairs of trainers
A frock for the missus
And a new suit from Lord Alli.
On the fifth day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
Five more freebies!
Four Calvin Kleins
Three pairs of glasses
Two pairs of trainers
A frock for the missus
Four Taylor Swift tickets
And a couple for Rachel Reeves.
On the sixth day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
A few weeks in Soho
Courtesy of Lord Alli
(So his son could do his GCSEs)
Good old Waheed!
Four Calvin Kleins
Three pairs of glasses
Two pairs of trainers
A frock for the missus
Four Taylor Swift tickets
And a couple for Rachel Reeves.
On the seventh day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
Proms tickets from the BBC!
A few weeks in Soho
Courtesy of Lord Alli.
(So his son could do his GCSEs)
Good old Waheed!
Four Calvin Kleins
Three pairs of glasses
Two pairs of trainers
A frock for the missus
Four Taylor Swift tickets
And a couple for Rachel Reeves.
On the eighth day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
Eight designer tee-shirts
Proms tickets from the BBC
A few weeks in Soho
Courtesy of Lord Alli
(So his son could do his GCSEs)
Good old Waheed!
Four Calvin Kleins
Three pairs of glasses
A couple of Nike trainers
A frock for the missus
Four Taylor Swift tickets
And a couple for Rachel Reeves.
On the ninth day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
Two tickets for Highbury.
Three grand for glasses
Fifteen for ‘work clothes’
A few weeks in Soho
Courtesy of Lord Alli
(So his son could do his GCSEs)
Good old Waheed!
Four Calvin Kleins
Three pairs of glasses
A couple of Nike trainers
A frock for the missus
Four grand’s worth of Taylor Swift tickets
And a couple for Rachel Reeves.
On the tenth day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
More hospitality…
An executive box at Spurs
One at West Ham, too
And at Wolves as well
Don’t forget Man City
And two tickets for Highbury.
(Breathe)
A few weeks in Soho
Courtesy of Lord Alli
(So his son could do his GCSEs)
Good old Waheed!
Four Calvin Kleins
Three grand for glasses
Fifteen for ‘work clothes’
Three pairs of glasses
A couple of Nike trainers
A frock for the missus
Four grand’s worth of Taylor Swift tickets
And a couple for Rachel Reeves.
On the eleventh day of Christmas
Keir Starmer took for free
A four grand Welsh holiday!
A few weeks in Soho
Courtesy of Lord Alli
(So his son could do his GCSEs)
Good old Waheed!
Eight designer tee-shirts
An executive box at Spurs
One at West Ham too
And at Wolves as well
Don’t forget Man City!
Four Calvin Kleins
Two tickets for Highbury.
Three grand for glasses
Fifteen for ‘work clothes’
Three pairs of glasses
A couple of Nike trainers
A frock for the missus
Four grand’s worth of Taylor Swift tickets
And a couple for Rachel Reeves.
On the twelfth day of Christmas
Keir Starmer Took The Knee!
Plus…
(Breathe)
A four grand Welsh holiday!
A few weeks in Soho
Courtesy of Lord Alli
(So his son could do his GCSEs.)
Good old Waheed!
Proms tickets from the BBC
An executive box at Spurs
One at West Ham too
And at Wolves as well
Don’t forget Man City!
Two tickets for Highbury
Four Calvin Kleins
Three grand for glasses
Fifteen for ‘work clothes’
Multiple pairs of glasses
A couple of Nike trainers
A personal shopper for the missus
Four grand’s worth of Taylor Swift tickets
A couple for Rachel Reeves
And another suit from Lord Alli!
So here it is Merry Christmas
That’s my lot until New Year’s Eve. What a crazy year it’s been. So no change there, then.
As always, thanks for all your kind letters, emails and contributions. I say it every year, but this column really wouldn’t be the same without you.
Incidentally, I’ve just read a report which says drinking a bottle of wine is a good as taking statins. So I think I’ll do both, just to be on the safe side!
Until the next time, from Gary and me, have a very Merry Christmas.